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Why The Stock Market ONLY Goes Up

We’ve written ad nauseam about the merits of long-term investing and the truth is we’re in on a big secret to let us proclaim with such confidence (for your eyes only!) why the markets ONLY goes up. Ready?

Here goes. We’ve found the most irrefutable fuel for global economic wealth – the declining amount of pirates. And here’s what we found: the older Singapore gets, the lesser pirates there are! Just take a look at the chart below.

Source: International Foolish Pirate Council

Given how the number of pirates has dwindled significantly from 1 billion in 1965 when Singapore first gained independence, to now numbering just 60 million worldwide, that’s irrefutable proof of how we are the scourge of all pirates around the world. Jack Sparrow, beware!

As to how pirates affect global wealth? It’s derived from a complicated financial formula we like to call the Hypermeleamatic 9th-order Derivative Of the Paul-Scholes Options Derivatives Warrant Formula, or the H9DPOWF. A mouthful, we know… but that’s done in your best interests to allow you to display an aura of invincibility and financial-know how when you’re speaking down to other unsophisticated investors.

We know spurious and tenuous links in chart reading in the financial markets is pervasive. But TRUST US. This is real. Pirates are real. Dwindling number of pirates improve global wealth based on the H0DPOWF. And Singapore’s age directly causes pirates to scurry back to shore and surrender themselves.

So, to bring it all together, the older Singapore becomes, the less pirates there are, the wealthier the world becomes. Stock markets – rejoice! And oh, before I forget, Happy April Fools’ Day!

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The information provided is for general information purposes only and is not intended to be personalised investment or financial advice. Motley Fool Singapore writer Chong Ser Jing doesn’t own shares in any companies mentioned.